


What If: McShep Edition

by nagi_schwarz



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 09:35:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21967246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagi_schwarz/pseuds/nagi_schwarz
Summary: Mini-fills for every single What If AU Challenge to date.Featuring crossovers, fusions, and more.
Relationships: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Comments: 14
Kudos: 59
Collections: What If? AU Challenge





	What If: McShep Edition

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Brumeier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brumeier/gifts).



  1. **No one dies.**



“What are we doing?” Rodney asked.

John tossed him something. “This.”

Rodney caught it, barely, and glared at his boyfriend for a moment before he examined it. It was a floppy wide-brimmed fisherman’s hat. “We’re wearing ugly hats?”

“We’re going fishing with Carson and Laura,” John said.

Rodney knew he looked dismayed, didn’t even try to hide it. John reeled him in and said in a low voice, “Don’t worry, you won’t have to do much. You can just sit on the pier under a massive umbrella and read a book and look beautiful while I do all the work.”

“No one looks even remotely good in these hats,” Rodney protested, but John pressed a kiss to his cheek, and he said, “Okay. Fine. Tell Carson we’re going.”

“Already did.”

  1. **Cowboys.**



“Let me guess, another dumb cowpunch whose horse threw a shoe?” Rodney looked up from his desk when a shadow fell across the doorway of his workshop.

“My horse did throw a shoe,” a man said. “I’ll admit I’ve been called dumb before.”

Rodney squinted, and - well. The man in the doorway was quite handsome, slender hips emphasized by his gun belt, face rugged with dark stubble. When he doffed his hat, his dark hair was wildly messy.

“Well, bring your nag around,” Rodney said, “and I’ll take a look. I was in the middle of something very important.”

“I appreciate your time, Doctor,” the man said, and Rodney paused.

“How did you know I have a doctorate?”

The man tilted his head. “You don’t remember me? I sat behind you in applied mathematics your third year. I was in my first.”

And then Rodney did remember - John Sheppard, young and handsome and cocky but also so brilliant. “What are you doing all the way out here?”

“I could ask the same of you,” John said. When he turned, Rodney glimpsed the shine of metal on his chest in the shape of a star. “My fine stallion Jumper threw a shoe, but also I need your help on a case. I’ve been tailing some cattle thieves known as The Wraith. I hear you’re good with things that go boom.”

That was actually Laura, but she was on her honeymoon with her silly physician beau. Rodney said, “You heard right. Come in.”

  1. **Soulmates**



“You have blue eyes,” the handsome man sitting across from Rodney in the overcrowded coffee shop said.

“That’s meaningless to me,” Rodney said, because until he found his soulmate, he was completely colorblind.

“Well, they’re a pretty shade of blue,” the man said.

And then Rodney really  _ looked _ at the man. “You can see color.”

“So can a lot of people,” he said.

Rodney shook his head. “That’s not true. Statistically, only ten percent of the population even has soulmates, and only a fraction of them ever meet, since the soulmate pairing distribution is random across geographical areas and linguistic and cultural barriers.” He glanced at the man’s left hand. “You’re unmarried.”

“As you pointed out, soulmates are totally random, and rarely are pairings compatible across even basic traits like language or culture or sexuality. So my soulmate and I met up, and now she’s living her life, and I’m living mine.” The man shrugged and stirred his coffee with an easy flick of his wrist.

Rodney stared at him. Finally, he said, “What color are your eyes?”

The man tilted his head and leaned in closer. “What color do you think they are?”

Rodney blinked and went to lean away, but suddenly something in his brain shifted, and he knew. “They’re green.”

  1. **Apocalypse**



“This wasn’t how I envisioned the end of the world,” Rodney said.

“You know,” Jackson said, “the word  _ apocalypse _ doesn’t actually mean  _ the end of the world. _ It’s from the Koine Greek word meaning  _ uncover.” _

“Uncover what?” John asked. He was clutching his rifle and mentally counting his ammo. No matter what math tricks he tried, he always came up far short of the number of zombies waiting on the other side of the wall.

“An angel revealed, or uncovered, the vision of the end of the world to John,” Jackson said.

“Excuse me?” John asked.

“Not you. In the Bible,” Jackson said easily. “People refer to the book as  _ Revelations, _ but it’s actually The Book of Revelation. A single vision. That was uncovered for John the Beloved.”

Rodney made a wordless sound of annoyance but didn’t protest further. Jackson had watched his entire team die. If a bit of pointless cultural and linguistic trivia comforted him, neither he nor John were going to complain. Apparently it took the zombie apocalypse for Rodney to learn some tact.

“But due to the strong association between the word apocalypse and the vision revealed about the end of the world, the word in English now means the end of the world. Which is what we’re experiencing right now,” Jackson said. He sounded far too calm and scholarly. He’d cracked. 

“Was there anything about zombies in the Bible?” Rodney asked.

Jackson said, “No. But one time there was an old System Lord named Telchak who had a sarcophagus prototype device that could create zombies. They didn’t eat brains, though.”

John stared at him.  _ “What?” _

Jackson said, “So if we find the flawed copycat Telchak device, we might be able to put a stop to all this.”

Rodney peered through his binoculars. “The Telchak device wouldn’t happen to be a gray box, would it?”

Jackson looked at him. “How did you know that?”

“I think those zombies are worshipping it.”

John peered through the scope on his rifle. “I could hit that box from here.”

“It’s not that simple,” Jackson said.

Rodney sighed. “It never is. Bring me the box. I’ll take care of it.”

Jackson unholstered his pistol. “Sheppard. I’ve got your back.”

John counted his ammo one more time. “Let’s go.”

  1. **Time Travel**



“I have to admit, this is one of your better ideas,” Rodney said, smoothing down his Aurora uniform. 

“Jackson and Carter were  _ very _ specific - the time-travel jumper can only make big jumps, not small jumps. Ten thousand years is big enough, right?” John was at the jumper controls.

“Jackson and Carter were also very specific about us not touching their jumper,” Rodney said.

John’s calm facade wavered for a moment. “Well, we’ve all made the occasional Hail Mary pass to try to save a galaxy or two, haven’t we?” This was their last shot at stopping the Wraith, he meant.

Rodney reached out and curled his hand around John’s wrist. “Hail Mary it is.”

John nodded and issued a mental command, pulled up the communication HUD. “Aurora, this is John Sheppard and Rodney McKay. We have a story for you.”

  1. **Historical Wars**



“I have to admit,” the American soldier said, leaning on his rifle in a truly execrable fashion. It was a weapon of war, not a walking stick. “I really didn’t see this one coming.” He’d taken off his hat, and his dark hair was wildly messy.

It made Rodney think less of battle struggle and a more energetic, intimate kind of struggle.

“Canadians? Really? I mean, you’re still faux-British,” the American soldier continued. “But you made it as far as the presidential palace and set it on fire.”

Rodney had never planned on being a soldier, but if he put his mind to it, his genius was useful in multiple arenas. Also he’d served in place of his sister’s husband. They were expecting their first child. Jeannie needed Kaleb more than anyone needed Rodney.

“Well,” the American soldier said, and straightened up, shouldered his rifle in an instant.

Rodney’s comrades cringed.

“There’s only one thing to do.”

“What? Kill us?” Rodney asked. “If you’re going to go that route, at least have the decency to make it fast.”

“Roll up your sleeves, gentlemen. You’re going to help me clean this place off.” The American soldier grinned and stepped back, beckoned for them to rise.

Rodney glanced at his comrades. They shrugged. Rodney rose slowly, wary of any tricks. “Fine,” he said. “But - I don’t think those burn marks are coming off those bricks.”

“Well, then pick up some paintbrushes.”

“Paintbrushes?” Rodney echoed.

“We’re going to whitewash the place.”

  1. **Supernatural**



“Just so you know, this was a stupid dare,” Rodney said, clutching his flashlight with white-knuckled fingers.

“You didn’t have to come with me.” John had a canister of salt in one hand, a flashlight in the other. They’d both watched Hocus Pocus.

“I don’t want you to get hurt.” Rodney didn’t add,  _ Because I like you. _

John glanced back at him. “Why would I get hurt if ghosts aren’t real?”

“Ghosts  _ are _ real,” a boy said.

Rodney screamed.

The boy leaning in the doorway was translucent, colorless, flickering. He said, “My name’s Evan. I died here ten years ago.”

John couldn’t speak.

Evan added, “Oh yeah.  _ Boo.” _

  1. **Magic**



“There are only four Rithmatic lines,” Rodney said. He was the best Rithmatist in his class, was two years younger than everyone else but the top student. He knew the other students hated him, but he didn’t care. He hadn’t come from privilege like most of them, so he had to work twice as hard despite his genius if he wanted to earn a good place in the world after school, so he could provide for himself and his sister. He wasn’t going to let the cleaning lady’s son get in his way.

“Warding, Forbiddance, Vigor, and Making,” the boy with the dimples said. 

Rodney narrowed his eyes. “You’re not a student here. How did you know that?”

The boy shrugged. “I can read.”

And then John Sheppard appeared. He slung an arm around the boy’s shoulders, met Rodney’s gaze. “Evan. What are you doing?”

“I was trying to ask McKay for help with our problem,” Evan said.

John arched an eyebrow. “Why would you ask him?”

Evan arched an eyebrow right back at him. “Because he’s the smartest in his class.”

John was two classes below Rodney and was the most brilliant student in his class. He was also the most privileged - and the most handsome. “True that. But I thought we were keeping your dad’s sketchbook just between us.”

“If we want to figure it out, we need the best help possible,” Evan insisted. He turned to Rodney. “My dad used to be the chalk-maker for the school. And I think we found two more types of lines.”

“That’s insane,” Rodney said.

John smirked. “Show him.”

Evan drew a piece of chalk out of his pocket. 

“But Evan has no magic,” Rodney said. Without magic, chalk was useless, couldn’t come alive.

“He’s an amazing artist, though,” John said.

Evan knelt, and he started to draw the Taylor Defense. His ability to draw circles freehand was amazing. Rodney stared.

John knelt beside him and started to trace his lines with his own chalk.

And then Evan drew a strange swirling shape.

“Watch this,” John said, and traced the line. He said to Rodney, “Scream.”

Rodney blinked. “Pardon?”

John said again, “Scream. As loud as you can.”

“Why should I?”

John lunged at him.

Rodney yelped.

Only his voice hardly made a sound.

Chalk flew off the strange wiggly symbol.

Evan said, “My father called it the Line of Silencing.”

  1. **Space**



“What’s going on?” Rodney asked, sinking down into the seat beside John at the pilot console.

“Just got a wave from McGee on the  _ Kelly. _ Apparently one of their crew went on walkabout and they need help finding him.” John shut down the wave screen and accepted the mug of tea Rodney had brought.

Rodney snorted. “What, do they have children on their crew?”

“I think the one who went walkabout isn’t quite right in the head,” John said. “Is the cargo all loaded up?”

“And ready to go,” Rodney said. “But you gave the others till three to get back here. There’s still an hour.”

John glanced at his own pocket watch. “Let me guess - Teyla’s out loading up on ammo, Aiden’s loading up on food, Ronon’s also loading up on ammo, and Elizabeth is -”

“Spending every last second possible with her client, yes,” Rodney said.

Having a Companion onboard the  _ Atlantis _ did make traveling so much easier.

“We have an hour, you said?” John asked. His crew would take their time getting supplies. It would be a while before they’d be back on a central planet.

Rodney nodded.

John grinned. “Your bunk or mine?”

“Captain Sheppard! I’m shocked.  _ Shocked,  _ I tell you -”

“Rodney?”

“My bunk.”

  1. **Workplace**



“This is ridiculous.” Rodney tapped at his computer, but there was no response. He rebooted it for the third time.

Still no response from the very expensive scientific calculator he’d had installed.

He’d already let IT dink around his computer remotely. No less than three of the slack-jawed morons had tried to get the program back up and running to no avail, and after an hour and a half of listening to them hemming and hawing, Rodney had hung up on them.

There were some serviceable scientific calculators online, but his research was so heavily protected that he could only work on it on the company intranet. Downloading a new program was out of the question. Doing the calculations on his own laptop hooked up to even a very secure internet connection was also not an option under the mountainous NDA he’d signed before being read into the project.

“Who do I have to sleep with to find out the number of possible combinations of ‘addresses’ are for this ‘doorway to heaven’?” Rodney despaired of working with the military. He’d gone into private research for a reason. Government-funded research always had too many strings attached.

“Forty-one million, four hundred and ten thousand, two-hundred and fifteen unique addresses,” a man said.

Rodney looked up.

A very handsome man with spiky dark hair was standing in the doorway. He was also wearing coveralls and was pushing a cleaning cart.

“What the…?” Rodney stared at him.

“That’s assuming a calculation of the thirty-eight permutations of non-point of origin symbols, divided by eight to correct for repeats as a result of reversing endpoints, and then by six to correct for simply rearranging the lines within an address,” the man said.

Rodney squinted at his employee ID badge. John Sheppard. “How do you  _ know _ that?” he demanded.

“Don’t worry, I have clearance to dust blinds and empty waste-paper baskets around here,” the man drawled. 

“That’s not an answer to my question.”

“While I’m cleaning, people talk. Easy to go unnoticed in this outfit. Doesn’t do much for my boyish figure.”

_ “Why _ are you dusting blinds when you can just...calculate that figure in your head?” Rodney demanded.

“That’s less important than whether you’ll sleep with me, since I told you the answer,” John said. 

Rodney said, “At least let me buy you dinner first.”

John winked. “It’s a date.”

  1. **Ocean**



Rodney hadn’t counted on finding anyone in the same patch of ocean as him. When he’d told Jeannie he was going to buy a boat, load it up with three months’ worth of supplies, and sail out to the middle of nowhere so he could work on his next scientific breakthrough in peace, she’d said he was crazy. And he’d go even crazier without any human contact for that long.

Rodney didn’t much care for other people’s company. He was prepared with plenty of audiobooks and music when he wanted human voices, but most days all he needed was his sleek calico Vera (named for Vera Rubin, who’d inspired Rodney to seek inspiration in the stars).

So when he woke one morning and went onto the deck to greet the sun, he was very startled to see another boat bobbing on the waves.

He squinted at it, annoyed, and then he realized - it wasn’t another boat. It was a life raft. And he could just make out a figure on it.

Rodney fired up the engines on his boat and sped toward it, heart pounding.

As he got closer, he saw that the bright yellow raft had only a single passenger.

An unconscious, sun-burned man with spiky dark hair. He was wearing coveralls of some sort. Rodney guided his boat alongside the raft and peered closer at the man. Was he dead?

No, he was breathing. He had patches on his coveralls. An American flag. A bunch of other insignias Rodney didn’t recognize.

And one he did, for the US Air Force.

The man had a nametag. Major John Sheppard.

Rodney shouted, “John! Wake up!”

He stirred.

Rodney said, “I’ve got you.”

  1. **Lost/Stranded**



“This is like the start of some kind of terrible TV show,” Rodney said.

“Never much was a fan of Lost,” his companion replied.

They stood on the beach, staring at the partial wreckage of the airplane they’d been flying in. Most people had made it onto the life rafts. The two of them had drifted, half-conscious, in their life jackets. Rodney hadn’t been strong enough to climb onto the rafts. His companion - he said his name was John - had given up his space to a woman with a baby.

“What now?” Rodney asked.

“What do we have, and what do we need?” John replied.

Rodney stared at him. “How should I know?”

“I mean, we should determine both of those things first and go from there,” John said.

“What are you, a boy scout or something?” But Rodney headed toward the piece of fuselage that had washed ashore to see what he could find.

“Or something.”

As it turned out, John was Major John Sheppard, a retired Air Force parajumper officer, which sounded like he was a glorified nurse but actually meant he was more hardcore than a Navy SEAL. 

Because he’d been a PJ, he had all kinds of hardcore survival skills.

Because he was retired, he was totally on board with dating Rodney properly, once they made it back to civilization.

  1. **Double Trouble**



Being a sentinel was hard enough. Being a sentinel in a public high school was awkward. Being a sentinel who was also a genius was the equivalent of being an utter social pariah. If only Rodney’s parents had agreed to let him attend a school that suited his abilities - either university to make the most of his IQ, or one of the academies where sentinels were trained to control their senses until they found their guides. But bygones were bygones, and Rodney ate his lunch in a dark corner of the cafeteria, surrounded by a defensive wall of physics textbooks, his senses dialed down to the minimum he could afford before he lost track of the world around him altogether.

He heard the whispers, though.  _ Sentinel. _

He rolled his eyes and hunched lower over his text on thermodynamics.

But then he heard,  _ Guide. _

Rodney lifted his head, scanned the room.

He spotted the new kids immediately, the tall boy with the dreadlocks and the puka shell necklace, and the two shorter boys, both with dark hair, though one was messy and one was neat.

The short boy with the neat hair turned - and looked right at Rodney with piercing blue eyes.

And Rodney just  _ knew. _ That boy was a sentinel.

Which of the other two was a guide?

“Both of us,” John Sheppard said, as he, Ronon Dex, and Evan Lorne stood beside Rodney’s lunch table. “Ronon is Evan’s guide. I’m unpaired.”

It was stupid to just blurt out, “Will you pair with me?” but Rodney did it, because genius though he was, he was still a teenager, and John was cute.

John didn’t turn him down flat, though. He just looked amused and said, “Carts and horses, McKay. Let’s to know each other first, shall we?

  1. **Movie/TV Fusion**



“I can’t believe you got a dog for your birthday,” Rodney said to John. “I’d have preferred a cat.”

“Well, I wanted a dog for my birthday, and here Dog is.” John patted the little terrier’s head fondly.

Dog wagged his tail.

Ronon was too engrossed in a candy bar to say much on the matter. He just shrugged and also patted Dog.

Teyla eyed Dog. “Do you think you could train him to be an attack dog?”

“You’re so bellicose,” Rodney said.

“Perhaps  _ creative _ is the term you are looking for.” Teyla smoothed down her red blouse and also patted Dog.

How she was always pristine when The Them went to their hideout in the woods, Rodney would never know.

“What do you want for next year?” Rodney asked.

John shrugged. “Dunno. I’ll think about it later.” He jumped to his feet. “Come on, Dog! Let’s go hunt a witch.”

  1. **Bad and Good**



“What do you think?” John asked. He and Rodney strolled through the casino, hand in hand, acting like a pair of wide-eyed honeymooners in Las Vegas for the first time.

“I think,” Rodney said, turning his head carefully so the camera on his glasses caught what they needed, “to get into the vault of his place, we’re going to need nine more teammates. And I know just the ones.”

“Cool. We’ll call them Sheppard’s Eleven.”

“What? But -”

“It has a better ring than McKay’s Eleven and you know it.”

Rodney sighed. “It’s a good thing you’re so cute.”

  1. **Dystopia**



Rodney knew his time with The Giver had gone awry when John turned to him one day and said, “Here, have an apple,” and Rodney realized, for the first time, that it was red.

That didn’t stop him from leaning in and kissing John. He wanted to know what it felt like, at least once, for himself.

  1. **Animals**



“Oh no! Here they come again!” Rodney turned and sprinted up the nearest tree as fast as he could.

The two dogs - Big White and Sleek Black - had come bursting out of The House moments before.

John, unsurprisingly, was already up the tree and peering down at the dogs from a broad bough.

Rodney, heart still pounding, clung to the bough beside him. “How are you so fast?”

“I just am,” John said easily. 

Rodney flinched every time Big White barked. Sleek Black didn’t bark as much, but she was circling the tree and wagging her tail and staring straight at him. She wanted to eat him. She was the faster one. That she was so quiet made her so dangerous.

“I’ll make a deal with you,” Rodney said. “I’ll help you collect acorns for the winter - because I know you lollygag, sunbathing on branches and flirting with the chipmunks - and you teach me how to get away from the dogs faster.”

“Deal,” John said.

“It’s unbecoming of squirrels to flirt with chipmunks, you know,” Rodney grumbled, once his heartbeat started to normalize.

“Good thing I only really flirt with squirrels.”

“Since when?”

“Since I met you.”

  1. **School**



“What the hell, McKay?”

Rodney looked up when his classroom door flew open. Luckily it was his prep period and no one was there to hear the extremely unprofessional greeting. “Coach Sheppard.”

“Why did you treat Aiden like that?”

“Aiden?” Rodney echoed. “Hm? Oh, your star basketball center, Farmer?”

“Ford. His last name is Ford.” Sheppard’s cheeks were red and his eyes were blazing and he actually looked kinda cute, all wound up like that.

“I’ll tell you what I told him - I don’t pass jocks just so they can stay on a team. If they want a grade, they have to earn it.” McKay resumed grading pop quizzes. He’d been the physics teacher at three different high schools now and the jocks were all the same, expecting special treatment because they could chase a ball.

“Again, I say,  _ what the hell, _ McKay?” Sheppard at least had the rationality to close the door behind him before he stormed over to Rodney’s desk. “Aiden came to you to ask you to help him understand where he went wrong on his last test and you just threw him out of your classroom without him letting him speak a whole sentence.”

Rodney thought back to when the lanky, sullen-faced teen had slunk into his classroom and said, “Mr. McKay, about my last test, I know I got a D, but -”

And of course, Rodney had told him, “I won’t pass you just so you can stay on your team. If you want a grade, you have to earn it. So get out.”

And the teen had slunk out, his red-marked test paper crumpled in his fist.

“Do you know how hard it was for him to ask you for help? How could you treat a student like that, just  _ assuming _ he wanted a free ride? Aiden’s never asked for a free ride in his entire life. He works damn hard in all his other classes. A basketball scholarship is the only chance he has to get into college so he can get a good job and look after his grandparents who took him in after his parents died.  _ What the hell is wrong with you? _ Are you a teacher or a god? Because you sure as hell don’t seem to care about teaching anyone but your pet geniuses.” Sheppard practically had steam coming out of his ears.

“Oh.” Rodney stared at him. “Well, if he’d just said -”

“You never gave him a chance.” Sheppard shook his head, disgusted, and headed for the door. “I’ll just go ask Carter to help him out.”

“Wait!”

Sheppard paused, hand on the doorknob.

“I’ll give Ford a chance to redeem himself if you give me a chance to redeem myself,” Rodney said quickly.

Sheppard looked at him. Then he said, “Deal.” He pulled open the door.

“What do I get if I help him? He gets a chance to go to college. What’s in it for me?”

Sheppard considered. Then he smirked and said, “A date. With Carter. I can make it happen. I know you like her.”

That Rodney had a desperate and embarrassing crush on her wasn’t a secret among the staff. “What if I want dinner with you?” he asked. That he had an even bigger crush on Sheppard wasn’t even on any of the other teachers’ radars.

Sheppard looked surprised. But then he smiled and said, “Deal.”

  1. **Supernatural 2**



“I didn’t sign up for this.” Rodney was huddled behind a tombstone, wooden stake in hand. “When Teyla asked me to help research some weird stuff in the library, I thought she was just into  _ Twilight _ or something. Not that she was a vampire slayer.”

John, who’d also been roped into Teyla’s study group along with Ronon and Aiden, was behind the adjacent tombstone, and he also had a stake. “Give me your holy water.”

“What?”

“You stay there. I’ll protect you. But I’ll need your weapons.”

Rodney fumbled in one of his many pockets for the water pistol loaded with holy water.

John stared at it. “Weir gave us vials.”

Weir was the new high school librarian who’d brought with her a stash of leather-bound books full of vampire lore for Teyla’s use.

“I improvised.” Rodney shoved the pistol into John’s hands.

John nodded. “I like it.” And then he dove into the fray.

Rodney hunkered down and listened to the sounds of human-on-vampire combat and told himself he was done helping other people with their homework. Forever.

Until the next week, when John said, “So, Teyla has a question about zombies.”

  1. **Sentinel/Guide**



“Thanks to you two, I earned five hundred bucks,” Lorne said as he stood beside John and Rodney in the chow line in the mess hall.

“Why?” Rodney asked.

Lorne waggled his eyebrows. He leaned in and lowered his voice. “I can smell you on each other. Glad you finally came to your senses and hooked up.”

“Lorne,” John hissed, appalled.

“Just saying,” Lorne said. “It’s about time. And also, thanks for the big payout.”

Rodney craned his neck. “Radek! Radek, get over here and control your Sentinel. He’s at risk of zoning out.”

Radek materialized out of the crowd. He caught Lorne by the ear. “What have I told you about using your senses for frivolous things.”

Lorne winced. “Hey, hey, that hurts!”

Rodney and John proceeded down the chow line.

“Don’t worry,” John said, at the dessert station, “I made a proxy bet through Teyla, and we also made a couple hundred bucks.”

Rodney raised his eyebrows.

“Next time we’re on Earth, I’ll take you out for a really nice meal.”

  1. **Food Service**



“Order up!” Lorne’s voice carried really far.

Aiden scrambled into the kitchen. He checked the ticket, scooped up the plate, then headed back out to the dining floor to serve it.

“Has it been confirmed?” Ronon asked. “Is he here?”

“Who?” Lorne asked.

“The food critic or the restaurant owner,” Ronon said.

Teyla, the other sous-chef, said, “Elizabeth says they are both here.”

Lorne swore. Because he’d once been in the armed forces, he swore impressively.

Elizabeth came back into the kitchen bearing an empty plate and wearing a bright smile. “It’s going swimmingly.”

“Really? Rodney McKay is a vicious critic,” Lorne said.

“Yes, well, John Sheppard is handsome and charming, and he agreed to go on a date with Rodney McKay,” Elizabeth said. “They’re sitting together now and enjoying some tiramisu.”

“Who’s John Sheppard?” Aiden asked, swooping past her to grab a couple of salads.

Lorne said, “The owner.”

  1. **Steampunk**



The man standing in the foyer of the manor house on the Sheppard Estate wore a threadbare coat with patches at the elbows. He had a smear of grease on one cheekbone. For all that he looked to be from humble circumstances, his blue eyes were bright, fierce, and he held his head high.

John liked to help in the stables. His father had never approved of his fascination with the clockwork stallions, but John had loved them from childhood and was a skilled mechanic for them now. He was an even better rider. Whenever John went to the stables, he wore old work clothes, because he wasn’t such a wastrel that he’d wear his fine clothes to do greasy work.

So John paused beside him instead of heading up the stairs to wash up and change. “What is your business here, sir?”

“I’m not leaving till I see the master of the house.”

“What is your business with him?”

“I’ve come to - to beg for his charity.”

“What kind of charity?” John asked.

“That’s between me and him,” the other man said stiffly.

John said, “How long have you been here?”

The man bit his lip. “Five or six hours.”

He’d stood there that long?

John said, “Your business must be urgent.”

“It is,” the man said. He was holding a folded piece of paper along with his hat. He unfolded it and held it out.

It was the design for an advanced clockwork heart, one that could be used in human patients.

John stared at it. “Where did you get that?”

“I designed it myself.”

“And what do you want from John Sheppard?”

The man swallowed hard. “Money, of course. To see the design brought to fruition.”

John reached out. “May I?”

The man handed him the piece of paper. John studied it. There was a signature in the corner. E. Lorne.

“Are you Mr. Lorne?”

“Ah, no. He’s the artist. I’m Rodney McKay.”

“The one who designed that astronomical engine? For calculating the energy needed to reach the nearest star?” John raised his eyebrows.

McKay stared at him. “How do you know that?”

John said, “I read.” He turned the paper over, out of curiosity, and saw on the back, in a child’s hand,  _ Dear Uncle Mer, please fix my heart. Love, Madison. _

John handed the paper back. “Wait here.”

McKay rolled his eyes. “I’ve done nothing but for the past six hours and thirteen minutes.”

John said, “Let me wash up, and we can talk, Mr. McKay.”

McKay narrowed his eyes. “Who are you?”

“My name is John.”

  1. **Kid Fic**



Rodney being landed with the care and upbringing of his only niece after her parents’ untimely death was terrifying pretty much every day. He woke up and remembered he was no longer terrorizing grad students in a cutting-edge physics lab; he was making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to go in Madison’s My Little Pony lunchbox and making sure she made it to ballet class on Tuesday nights.

He was trying to balance loving her and making her happy with teaching her discipline and delayed gratification.

When she’d asked for a pony for her birthday, of course he’d said no.

But she’d begged relentlessly, for two months after, and Rodney had to admit her persistence was effective.

“Split the difference,” Miko suggested. She taught Japanese as well as physics at the high school where Rodney taught physics and calculus. “Try horse-riding lessons. Maybe seeing the stable and how messy horses are will dissuade her.”

It was a good plan.

So Rodney found some local stables and booked a time to take Madison along for a trial run.

And then he saw the riding instructor.

“Mr. McKay and Madison, is it? I’m John Sheppard. I’ll be showing you around today.”

Madison beamed. “Nice to meet you. Right, Uncle Mer?”

“Right,” Rodney said faintly.

The next week, Miko said, “So riding lessons are a go? All that gear is expensive.”

“It’s worth it, to see my niece happy,” Rodney said loftily.

Three months later, Miko said, “How are riding lessons going?”

“Madison is a very skilled equestrienne,” Rodney said, because he made sure she never missed a lesson unless she was very sick.

“And?” Miko pressed.

“And I have a date with John.”

  1. **Fairy Tale**



“What do you think?” Rodney asked. 

He, John, Ronon, Radek, Evan, Aiden, and Carson stood around the glass casket, staring at poor Jennifer trapped inside of it.

“I think shouldn’t have taken a bite out of that apple,” John said.

Carson rolled up his sleeves. “We have the rest of the apple, don’t we? Let me run some tests.”

“We could take turns kissing her and see if she wakes up,” Aiden said.

Ronon glared at him. “No.”

“No,” Evan agreed.

“But I’ve heard from other dwarves -” Aiden began.

“Are any of us princes? No,” Rodney snapped. “You meat-heads get back in the mine and keep digging for diamonds. Carson and I will find a way to wake her up without any assaults occurring. John, you’re good at math. You’re with us. The rest of you, go.”

Ronon arched an eyebrow, but then he picked up his pick and bucket and turned toward the mines, whistling,  _ Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it’s off to work we go. _

The tune from him was ominous.

Carson said, “We have to work fast.”

  1. **Party**



“Well, I’ll be,” Mitch said. “Look who’s never bothered to come to a high school reunion before. It’s John Sheppard.” 

John shrugged. “Facebook kinda takes the fun out of the mystery, doesn’t it?”

“True.” Mitch laughed. Then he turned and hollered. “Hey Dex! Look who’s here!”

Dex trotted over, wife number three on his arm, both of them sipping punch. “Hey, Shep. Where’s what’s her face. Nancy, right? I saw the announcement in the society pages.”

“That was over a long time ago,” John said easily. “This is Rodney.”

Rodney, who’d been trying to hide behind John, lifted his chin in the briefest acknowledgment.

Dex raised his eyebrows. Mitch raised his eyebrows.

“I can’t believe you two are surprised,” Lyle said. He drifted over, carrying a small plate of hors d’oeuvres. “John and I dated junior year.”

Dex and Mitch stared at him.

Rodney shoved at John’s shoulder. “You said your ex wouldn’t be here.”

“My ex- _ wife,” _ John said. “Lyle Holland, meet Rodney McKay.”

“The Nobel Laureate in physics?”

Rodney preened a little.

Lyle laughed. “John Sheppard, you scrub. How’d you meet him?”

“If you recall,” John said, “I’m actually really good at math. Physicists need mathematicians.”

“You took over Sheppard Industries. Why would you work as a number cruncher?” Lyle asked.

“Rodney did a stint in R&D with SI. He...might have mistaken me for a number cruncher. And I...might have let him keep on making that mistake. It was worth it, though. But enough about me. Who wants to dance?”

The others groaned, but the DJ chose that moment to turn on some music.

John curled his hand through Rodney’s and led him onto the dance floor.

  1. **Regency**



Of all the ways to make money to fund one’s inventions, highway robbery had been the furthest from Rodney’s mind. But then he’d made friends with Major John Sheppard, who was rather at loose ends after the wars in Nepal, and since Major Sheppard was quick with firearms and a saber and a horse and had the loyal Captain Lorne and Ronon with him, it seemed like a good idea, especially since their first robbery went well.

Rodney was no soldier, had been raised in a noble household before he was turned out for refusing to marry in favor of pursuing science (and men), so he could comport himself as a gentleman. When he was mingling in highway inns, dining with other nobles and hearing them drone on at length about their travel plans, none of them suspected him, and then he’d scurry away and inform his teammates. He always hung back when the actual robbery occurred.

“You know,” Rodney said, one afternoon, while he and his comrades were out on the moors, eating game hens cooked over coals because smoke from a fire would reveal their position, “this is not how I envisioned my life.”

“Did you envision attending the annual Ball at Netherfield and finding a suitable wife?” John asked, amused.

“Well, no,” Rodney admitted.

“What did you envision?” Lorne asked.

“More science and less firearms,” Rodney said.

Ronon offered him one of the many knives he carried.

Rodney declined politely.

“So, who’s today’s mark?” John asked.

“David Sheppard, of Pemberley in Northumbria,” Rodney said.

Lorne raised his eyebrows. Ronon raised his eyebrows. Both of them looked at John.

“What?” Rodney asked. “What am I missing?”

“David,” John said, “is my younger brother.”

Rodney spat out his mouthful of tea. “You -  _ you’re _ the heir to Pemberley?”

John nodded.

“But you - you -” Rodney spluttered, gesturing to encompass their bedrolls on moss and horses munching nearby and the fact that they were all always just a bit muddy.

John smiled. “This job will be easy.”

  1. **Celebrity**



“I don’t like this,” Gibbs said.

“Neither do I.” Ziva’s expression was dark.

“Do you mind this?” McGee asked Tony.

“Why should I?” Tony smoothed his hair down. “This Rodney McKay is a respected actor, and he’s going to base his character in his next movie off of one of us. We all know who it’ll be.”

“Not you,” Ziva said.

“Why not me?” Tony demanded. “I’m handsome and stylish but also badass with a gun.”

“Orders are orders,” Jenny said, “so be nice to Mr. McKay.”

On the first day, Rodney McKay was annoying as hell, carrying around a notebook and asking questions incessantly, about everything, from McGee’s choice of shoes to Ziva’s choice of firearm to how Gibbs took his coffee.

On the second day, he showed up dressed exactly like McGee, and he talked like McGee, and he acted like McGee, and once or twice he spoke before McGee could and Tony didn’t even realize it till he looked up and saw that McGee looked shocked and impressed, Ziva looked annoyed, and Gibbs was looking elsewhere.

On the third day, he showed up dressed like a male version of Ziva. He didn’t try to cop her accent, but the way he moved, the way he looked at things was uncannily like her. If Ziva had a brother - who wasn’t murderous and insane like Ari - he’d have been McKay. 

On the fourth day, of course he showed up dressed like Tony - only better, because he was a famous actor and could afford brands far outside Tony’s price range. Tony would have been annoyed, but it was easier to just step back and let McKay slide into his place on the team, watch them interact with him and watch them occasionally fail to notice they were treating him as if he were Tony. The only person who didn’t fall for any of it, not once, was Gibbs.

And then on the fifth day he showed up looking like a younger version of Gibbs. To start the day off right, Tony called him Boss and gave him the coffee he’d brought for Gibbs. McGee played along, after some hesitation, as did Abby. Ziva avoided interacting with him altogether. Gibbs rolled his eyes - and then dove in, doing his best to get in and speak and act before McKay could get there first and do what Gibbs would have done anyway.

Everything was going swimmingly (or at least, amusingly to Tony) till finally Gibbs lost it. He stepped between Tony and McKay where McKay was looking at Tony’s crime scene sketches and said,

“Enough.”

McKay raised his eyebrows.

“Don’t - don’t  _ flirt _ with him.” Gibbs sounded both implacable and deeply uncomfortable at the same time.

Tony paused.

McKay’s eyebrows went up even further. “I wasn’t flirting with him. I was just treating him the way you treat him.”

Gibbs stared at him.

McGee stared at him.

Ziva looked away.

Tony’s heart stopped.

McKay said, “Don’t worry. It’s just research on my part. I have a boyfriend.” And then he patted Tony on the shoulder like Gibbs did on rare occasions and turned away.

For the rest of the day, Gibbs didn’t look at Tony, McGee looked confused, and Ziva looked - resigned.

On the sixth day, McKay showed up, presumably looking like himself in slacks and an orange fleece pullover. He had his notebook again, and he spent most of the day with Abby in the lab and Ducky in the morgue. At the end of the day, he headed up to the bullpen where the rest of the team was.

“Dinner tonight,” he said. “My treat. Since you let me tag along and be a pest for the better part of a week.”

Tony was never one to turn down free food, and neither was Ziva or McGee or Abby or Ducky. Gibbs agreed to come along because Abby begged him.

Of course, McKay took them to a very fancy upscale restaurant. Where another man was waiting for them in the foyer. He greeted McKay with a discreet kiss on the cheek. The man was tall, lean, with messy dark hair, artful stubble, and a piercing dark gaze.

“Major Sheppard,” Gibbs said.

“Retired,” the man drawled. He nodded at each of them in turn. “Thanks for taking good care of Rodney this week.”

“Not a problem,” Tony said.

John smiled knowingly, and then he signaled to the hostess. 

Tony followed the rest of his teammates into the restaurant. Throughout the meal, he watched Sheppard and McKay, how they acted with each other, paid attention in a way he never had before, not even for a case.

And then he considered how he and Gibbs had behaved around each other for years, and he vowed to talk to Gibbs alone, after McKay was gone.

  1. **Crack**



“I choose you, Rodney-chu!” John whipped the Pokeball out of his pocket and threw it.

Light danced, and a tiny furry, golden creature appeared, sparks dancing in its fur.

It gazed fiercely up at Ronon and his Evansaur and made a sound rather like an adorable little sneeze.

_ Rodney-CHU! _

  1. **Decade**



“This is very cozy,” Rodney said, trying to sound polite and admiring.

“You mean paranoid.” John was hunched at the other end of the expansive nuclear bunker that was built into his backyard. The entrance was a discreet trap door, as if to a basement.

“It’s - a lot more stocked than I imagined it would be.” Rodney perched tentatively on the edge of John’s cot. “So why, exactly, are we out here?”

There were comics and baseball cards, a record player and a wireless, even a small television. There was a bookcase with all the popular books -  _ Catcher in the Rye, The Invisible Man, Fahrenheit 451, The Fellowship of the Ring _ \- plus all of the classics, the kinds of things Rodney had been forced to read in school. The stack of records included Elvis and The Shirelles, Roy Orbison and Ritchie Valens. John Sheppard, the darling of Crawford High School’s junior class, could have invited Rodney to his family’s bunker for all manner of things - reading, listening to music, maybe a furtive Marlboro or a shot of expensive scotch.

John cocked his head. “Because it’s a good place to be alone.”

Rodney cast a pointed glance at the copy of  _ Catcher in the Rye. _ “Did the other boys at school tell you I was a flit?”

“No,” John said. “I was just hoping you were.”

“Why?” Rodney eyed him.

“Because. I’m one too.”

  1. **Mythology**



“So,” Rodney said. “This dream I keep having. About me wielding a sword and you having magic.”

“Not a dream,” the dark-haired boy said. “A memory.”

“What kind of memory? You said your name was - John. Sheppard. You’re in my AP Calculus class, right?”

“My name is John Sheppard. For now.” John’s gaze was dark, impenetrable.

“We’re teenagers. Why would I have dreams about wearing armor and carrying a sword?” Rodney rolled his eyes.

John said, “Back then, we were teenagers when we first met.”

They were sitting in a corner of the cafeteria away from prying eyes.

“Back  _ when?” _ Rodney pressed.

“Back when you were training to be the Once and Future King,” John said.

Like that, Rodney remembered.

  1. **Supernatural 3**



“Hand me that bundle of sage,” Rodney said.

John turned, scanned the bundles of herbs hanging from the walls, and saw the label for sage. He lifted it carefully off the hook and handed it to Rodney.

Rodney snapped his fingers like a magician making a flourish, only he had real magic, and the end of the bundle started to smoke and smolder. Rodney waved the bundle in a complicated pattern, wafting smoke over John’s woefully broken laptop.

“I still don’t understand,” John said.

“Understand what?” Rodney shoved the sage back at him, then placed five colorful semi-precious stones on John’s laptop. “The part where I’m a witch or the part where my magic will save you a ridiculous repair fee?”

“Either. Both.”

“Shut up and let me chant. I’ll explain after. I’ll even use small words.”

John said, “Go out on a date with me when this is done?”

Rodney faltered. He studied John suspiciously.

John said, “I promise wherever we eat will have citrus-free food.”

Rodney considered. “All right. Now stand back. I’m pretty powerful.”

  1. **Superheroes**



“How goes the superhero business?” John handed Rodney a steaming mug of coffee, which Rodney accepted with a happy moan.

“Frustrating. As always. Teyla’s more careful with her gear, but Ronon’s a wrecking ball.” Rodney was hunched over the center island in the kitchen, his breakfast going cold while he studied schematics for the newest upgrades to Ronon’s armor. 

John pressed a quick kiss to Rodney’s cheek. “Do good things with my money. I’m going to go make some more.” He straightened his tie and headed for the door.

Rodney called out belatedly, “Love you!”

  1. **Holidays**



“For the last time, John’s really my boyfriend,” Rodney said. He pointed up at the bundle of mistletoe that hadn’t been in the doorway the last three times he’d passed under it. “Constantly making him kiss me to prove we’re dating is getting old, and I generally enjoy kissing him.”

Jeannie looked unconvinced. Kaleb looked unconvinced. Madison was playing with her new Legos.

“Why would I ask someone to pretend to be my boyfriend for Christmas? And who the hell would go along with that?” Rodney demanded.

John just looked amused.

Rodney turned to him. “Tell them.”

John said, “I only met Rodney at the airport yesterday -”

Rodney smacked him on the arm. “I hate you!”

“I’m kidding,” John said. “Rodney and I have been working together for years. It just took us a while to realize how we felt about each other.”

“Really?” Jeannie asked.

“Really,” John said. “In fact, we’ve been dating so long that it’s high time I do this.” And he got down on one knee.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. AU of SGA Ep Sunday
> 
> 5\. AU of SGA Ep Aurora
> 
> 6\. War of 1812
> 
> 8\. Fusion with The Rithmatist
> 
> 9\. Fusion with Firefly
> 
> 13\. Sentinel/Guide and High School AU
> 
> 14\. Good Omens
> 
> 15\. Ocean's 11 Fusion
> 
> 16\. The Giver Fusion
> 
> 19\. Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fusion
> 
> 24\. Snow White Fusion
> 
> 28\. Pokemon Fusion
> 
> 29\. 1950's
> 
> 30\. Merlin Fusion


End file.
